Last night as I was laying on the couch after my middle daughter Bella’s graduation, I was contemplating my pure and complete exhaustion. Why in the world was I so tired? I mean really, all I did today was get up early (sure,that sucks but really no biggie), and go sit in the sun for a couple hours to celebrate the achievements of my middle daughter. The ceremony itself wasn’t worthy of the exhaustion that had left me flat out on my back on the couch with feet up in the air, conquered by complete mental and physical exhaustion. Later that evening as I was reminiscing the graduation I found that even though we were there to celebrate Bella, I couldn’t help but realizing how proud I was of myself for HER accomplishments. I struggled with this for a few minutes: was it right of me to think I deserved some of her thunder? I mean, sure, she did the actual schooling but wasn’t that me who was there behind the scenes the whole time? Wasn’t it me prodding her to do her homework, schlepping her to and fro for years, exposing her to new things, making the lunches, doing the laundry, bearing the brunt of her angsty temper-tantrums…..The list seemed endless in the ways I supported this kid and made this moment possible. It was at that point that I realized graduation is like the Academy Awards, my daughter the lead actress and us parents, we are the behind the scene producers. Sure are actors may win best actor in our film, but deep down we know that we were the ones who helped to get them where they are. As they walk up to the stage to accept their award, everybody stares at the amazing transformation of the actor from a nobody to somebody. To them it’s all magic, to us we know that behind-the-scenes, there was plenty of blood sweat and tears to get to this point. We know the years of frustration and arguments,the elation and pain, the cuddles and laughter that have brought us to this stage here and now.
Most of the time at these awards, the producers take the backseat. Sure, their name may come up once or twice in a thank you speech but overall it is the actor/actress who gets all the accolades. However, deep down us “producers” know that we had a significant hand in putting them there. We came up with the original idea, we “brought the project to life”, and funded the project mostly on our own. We were there through thick (personal achievements, team wins, celebrating milestones) and the thin (the lovely terrible 2’s, the angsty teen years) yet we never gave up on our vision of what the project would become. Sometimes the project starts to change in unexpected ways. There are times when it seems to be more of a drama that we hadn’t counted on. It is the producers’ job to wrangle that in and change the pace of our project. Sometimes our project goes completely sideways into an area of ridiculous comedy. Any good movie has sprinkles of comedy throughout so we producers foster and savor those moments. I think most of us producers hope for a well balanced movie with just the right balance of drama/comedy/sacrifice and celebration. We hope for a project that ends on a positive note with all the trials and tribulations being worth it in the end. That was yesterday. While sitting in our seats while the actor crosses the stage, our hearts swell with pride and internally I am yelling to the world “look at what I made…it’s AWESOME!!”.
Of course there will always be critics willing to tear apart any project no matter how perfect. We can only hope that our actors and actresses are strong enough to take whatever criticism comes their way to turn around and use it constructively. We hope that the actions and intentions of our project will outshine any negativity that somebody tries to shade them with and that the project won’t suffer at the hands of those trying to bring them down. As a producer, this is one of the most difficult struggles. We KNOW what the critics are not seeing and that their unfair lens may taint the view of others towards our project. All we can do is hope our project breaks through the criticism and rises above it.
And finally, in the end, the strongest of these actors and actresses will go on to come producers of their own. Some will attempt it sooner than others while many will wait and participate in more projects first. Either way as their original producer ,we get to watch these humans go on and perpetuate the wheels that we have set in motion. Some will get derailed and we will take them on as project again when no one else will….because we KNOW their potential. Ultimately they will go on to create a movie that we will be proud of.
So as I lay here utterly exhausted I realize that my exhaustion isn’t from one day of sitting in the sun. It is from 17 1/2 years of mourning my heart and soul into my project, crossing my fingers, and hoping I have put everything into it in order for it to be the success we hope for. Four years ago I picked up my first award and that project has gone on to create wonderful scenes and make me a proud producer. Today my second project picked up her diploma and again, I feel as if I have also won the award. Tonight I will sleep blissfully. Only one more project in my queue. Four more years until I will retire as a producer and watch my projects conquer the world with their own.
One of my favorite events every year is our neighborhood New Year’s Eve Progressive. I can’t say with 100% certainty when I started this tradition but it spans at least the last 6 years. We start here at the Skinner Ranch and make our way eating and drinking through the evening as we briskly brave the chilly air walking from house to house. When we first started this, my girls would make it to the first few houses and eventually opt to return home where kid friendly snacks and Just Dance were entertainment enough. Now they can hang in there with the best of us….
Three Daughter's Ranch 